Ending a year and beginning a new one can bring up a multitude of feelings and reflections, and come January 1st, we are bombarded with the idea that we have to have some kind of “resolution”. Don’t get me wrong, I get that resolutions are meant to motivate us to do better and be better versions of ourselves. What I find to be unhelpful, however, is the fact that we are encouraged to think that with a new year comes a “new me”. Somewhere in the last year, something about ourselves was wrong and now must be changed, fixed, denied, hidden, corrected and/or punished. 

When I am with my clients, I often encourage them to really get curious and define what it is they are wanting or doing, as this helps to create a more clear picture of the direction they are hoping to go in. With this in mind, I explored what the word resolution actually means. 

Resolution:  “A firm decision to do or not do something”, “The quality of being determined or resolute”, and “the disappearance of a symptom or condition”. This definition indicates that there was something wrong that must be corrected, and implies that a great deal of determination is required. This definition is very black and white, and really does not allow for flexibility, gentle failure and then growth, plus it is rooted in the feeling of shame as it’s core motivation. 

Instead of resolutions, I’d like to encourage everyone to have New Year’s Revelations: 

Revelation: “a surprising and previously unknown fact”; “the making known of something that was previously unknown”; “used to emphasize the remarkable quality of someone or something”; “the divine or supernatural disclosure to humans of something relating to the human experience”. 

When we are encouraged to make a revelation about ourselves, it is from a place of curiosity versus self-critiquing and comparison. It invites us to explore ourselves with gentleness and acceptance, and thus allows us to recognize the potentially more challenging aspects of ourselves with kindness. When we can treat ourselves and our struggles with kindness, we put ourselves in the driver’s seat of our own happiness and personal fulfillment. 

As you move through 2020, try asking yourself the following questions as you develop your own personal revelations: 

1. Does this bring me joy? 

2. How is this serving me? 

3. Does this help me to feel invigorated or depleted? 

4. What challenges are helping me grow? 

These are just a few suggestions as you begin to explore yourself and self-kindness. As you embark on this beautiful new year, I hope that each of you finds that you are whole and wonderful as you are, and with every level of growth you take on.