Can we stop with the good vibes only, please?!  Can we instead boast: I'm here for all the vibes; the good, the bad, and the ugly. 

As a therapist, I like to think I'm uniquely trained to be accepting of all the parts, moods, experiences of a human being. Yet, even with my therapist hat on (not to mention when I'm just being a human experiencing the world), I can get wrapped up in how to help a client get from here to there: from pain to peace, from suffering to joy, from perfectionism to acceptance. But when I (we) do that to our clients, friends, kids, partners, co-workers, neighbors, etc, we miss the opportunity to honor the present experience. We are placing an expectation that the human next to us needs to be in a different state. We suggest that they aren't enough, right where they are. 

It is not hard to understand why we do this. There is a discomfort in sitting in and with darkness, almost as if we fear it will rub off on us and then we too will be trapped in the darkness unable to get out. I do this too, but I am working both professionally and personally to feel deeply and lovingly honor ALL the parts, feelings, and experiences, especially the dark ones. It is in those moments the human standing next to us most needs to know they are not alone. And! In being in and with the darkness, we have an opportunity to learn of the wisdom in the suffering, to learn of blind spots we would otherwise remain blind to, and to develop a resilient spirit that allows us to feel the individual and collective pain, knowing we can emerge ready to live more fully, lovingly, and openly in this world. 

The last thing we need right now is to perpetuate the false narrative that any of us are the experts on another's experience, and to continue to shut the door to people who are screaming to be seen, heard, and valued. Consider how many of the people we share the earth with have been shut down so often they don't even bother to scream. 

If you can only handle the "good vibes," I would venture to guess you have had many doors shut to your experiences and feelings, or you feel too overwhelmed by your own pain that you can't imagine opening yourself up to the pain of others.  So, perhaps I should re-write my first sentence, because instead of telling you (the ones who shout out "good vibes only" as if it were a protective shield) to change your experience and where you are, I ask you just to be curious. What is it you are trying to protect, hold on to, or push against? What threat do you perceive will come if you let in those pesky negative vibes? And, I ask you to acknowledge that our communities are hurting. Our sisters, brothers, wives, husbands, children, and neighbors are hurting. What self-care, safety, and healing do you need to do in order to be a safe place for ALL the vibes and the people who experience them, including yourself?