LifeTip

LifeTip: Meet Your Procrastination with Compassion

 Photo by  Sandro Katalin a on  Unsplash

I have a confession to make: I am horrible at writing blogs.

You might be a bit confused, since you are literally reading a blog post that I have, in fact, written – believe me, the irony is not lost on me. But really and truly, I’ve found that writing a blog is one of the hardest things for me to do at the moment. I don’t understand it either, because I normally love to write, and I think I can even be good at it sometimes. However, my paper/blog writing process is faulty, and I’ve been stuck in a negative feedback loop for as long as I can remember. I procrastinate. I avoid it. I start, and then I don’t finish. I meet the idea of it with dread. Then once I’ve waited too long, my anxiety sky-rockets and nothing makes sense. I’m in a hurry, and I’m not producing something I like which leads to frustration and disappointment and wanting to just give up. Rinse. Repeat. This whole process is extremely challenging, and it just makes me feel really, really crummy.

In many of my sessions, I have asked clients to pay attention to what they’re thinking, feeling, and deciding in their own challenging moments. This is illustrated by a triangle, where each point represents Thoughts, Feelings, and Behaviors; all of them connecting and influencing the next.

Screenshot 2018-09-07 at 10.56.06 AM.png

Whether we know it or not, we’re using this triangle all the time in nearly every decision we make. When our thoughts are generally positive, the triangle/cycle tends to be positive and run smoother. When our thoughts are negative, however, the opposite is also true and can leave many people feeling stuck. To illustrate, here is what my writing process looks like:

Event: Blogs are due next week. I think, “I should write one about that TED talk I just watched!” I open a new word document, write a few things down, and then wonder what direction I’ll take with the info.

  • Thought: “I don’t know what to do with all of this, how do I make it make sense?”

  • Feeling: Overwhelmed, anxious

  • Behavior: I start to question my abilities, become flooded by my anxiety, and eventually shut down to avoid completing the task

  • Thought: “I AM SO BAD AT THIS!”

Event: Days later I think, “I should write about something more interesting, I’m probably the only one who thinks this is cool.”

  • Thought: “I’m not interesting enough to make something good"

  • Feeling: Inadequate, frustrated, sad

  • Behavior: I don’t like feeling this way, so I’m just going to do something else instead of finishing

  • Thought: “I AM SO BAD AT THIS.”

I could go on and on with this, but hopefully you get the idea. My deadline approaches and because of all my past experiences and behavior, I start to believe that I’m really bad at writing blogs which leaves me feeling stressed and incompetent. Since I don’t want to feel that way I decide to just avoid writing all together. When I avoid it, I’ve just reinforced the idea that I can’t do it and I’m bad at writing. Then I feel bad all over again, and the cycle repeats itself.

Through this exercise I recognize that maybe I’m not actually bad at writing blogs, but that I have an unrealistic expectation that it has to be perfect, and deep down I’m really just scared of failing or embarrassing myself. It has nothing to do with my actual abilities to write a blog, but in how compassionately I talk to myself. How different would this cycle look if instead of cruelly putting myself down, I compassionately thought, “I am a good writer” or “I take my time so I can take pride in my work”? The cycle takes on a totally different tone, and I’m left feeling more competent and calm, which then allows me to actually write something I can take pride in. Instead of believing that I am horrible at writing, I’ve realized that I really just want to do my best and I deserve much, much more self-compassion.

I’d like to challenge each of you to explore what you might be thinking, feeling and deciding when you’re faced with a difficult task that you might be putting off. What might your child be thinking, feeling and deciding in their challenging moments? As you think about it, remember to be kind to yourself in those moments and give yourself the compassion that you need.




 

LifeTip: Today’s Story - Releasing Negative Emotions

Screen Shot 2018-09-06 at 9.28.30 AM.png

We’ve all had bad things happen to us. People have done hurtful things to us, and we’ve done hurtful things to other people. These feelings of yuck that linger on cling to us like barnacles on the bottom of a moored ship, making it more and more difficult to sail smoothly. In my office, I often hear, “I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to get over it." For some, these negative feelings have held on for decades, impeding the person from ever truly moving forward in finding authentic happiness. These barnacles don’t need to stay attached; you can release them. You just need to find your new narrative. What story are you telling yourself today?

First and foremost, forget the idea of ‘getting over it.' All of the experiences that we have in life become part of our historical fabric. Think of it as Dolly Parton’s “Coat of Many Colors,” with each swatch being a different memory. If we just ‘got over’ some of the bad memories and cut them out, our coat would be filled with holes. Instead, acknowledge your memories and experiences; both the good and the bad make up your coat. Rather than putting energy into undoing the stitching from some of the pieces, recognize and embrace the ones that elicit negative feelings for you. Reclaim your power over these feelings by releasing (not ‘getting over’) the negativity that surrounds these feelings.

Every swatch within our coat has a story attached to it. Some are amazingly wonderful stories and some are downright horror stories. Although we cannot change the historical story (the events that actually transpired during that particular memory), what we can change are the feelings that we have about that story today. Own the pain, hurt, sadness, and frustration from that experience. Embrace that emotion from your history; put a name to that feeling you experience. Then flip the script. Tell yourself that these uncomfortable feelings are ones that negatively affected the you from yesterday, but they do not have the power to drag you down today.

For those of you who have read my previous posts, you know that I speak incessantly about the concept of power. Here is another example of how we all can reclaim our power. Pain, sadness, hurt, frustration, and anger are not deserving of our power, yet we all have had experiences where we pass our power stick over to these emotions. We tell ourselves that we’re powerless because of these negative feelings, which leaves us feeling helpless to change.

If there’s one thing that I want you to take away from this writing, it is that you can begin that transformation today. Change your narrative; alter your feelings about the events from the past and reclaim that power over those negative emotions. Don’t just try to “get over it,” but rather try to embrace the yuck and then release it. You have the power to change your feelings and responses to the historical swatches in your coat. Your first step in finding that relief is in asking yourself, “what story am I telling myself today?”

LifeTip: Containing Your “Yuck”

 Photo by  MILKOVÍ  on  Unsplash

Photo by MILKOVÍ on Unsplash

We’ve all heard the phrase, “sometimes you need to experience the bad in order to appreciate the good."  However, that doesn’t mean we need to carry around this negativity with us every day. Wouldn’t it be nice to put these bad feelings and unsettling experiences aside so that we’re not weighed down by their presence? Believe it or not, we're able to create our own containment devices to hold these feelings; a place where we can store away these negative experiences into our own container for safe keeping, until we’re ready to effectively deal with them. Let’s go on a little journey together.

Sit back and think for a moment, what would your container look like? Is it an old, antique treasure chest with strong leather straps holding down the lid? Perhaps it’s a sleek steel trunk with bright silver hinges and a state-of-the-art security system that holds in your worries and fears. Maybe it’s a simple wooden box with rusty clasps and chipped teal paint. Whatever it may look like, just picture your container and imagine how it feels, the weight of the lid, and the sound that it makes as that lid closes. Do you have that picture in your mind?

Now think about all of those troubles, fears, concerns, and worries that you carry around with you each and every day. Feel the weight that those issues place on your shoulders and the negative feelings that these memories elicit. Envision all of your problems morphing together into a ball that fits neatly into the palm of your hand. Can you see this ball? How does it feel? Is it pulsating with color and light? Does it radiate heat or is it ice-cold? Take note of how you’re feeling – your heart rate, your breathing, your sense of anxiety. I’ll assume that you’re feeling a bit amped up at this point. Let’s release those negative feelings.

Bring back that picture of your container into your mind. Grasp the lid and open it up. Visualize yourself placing that blob of negative feelings into the container and, with a hand on each side of the lid, see yourself closing it and listen for that latch to click shut. Say to yourself, “My worries, fears, concerns, and stressors are safe in this box. I’m not burying them away, I’m simply putting them away for now in a safe place. When I’m ready, I can pull one out to deal with and release. For now, though, my "yuck" is locked away and off of my shoulders.” Take notice of your feelings and your body. Has that sense of anxiety and intensity diminished? Is there a sense of relief knowing that you’re no longer obligated to lug around those negative feelings and experiences any longer? Congratulations. You’ve just freed yourself of these heavy burdens and have given yourself permission to put your “yuck” feelings up on the shelf until you’re ready to effectively process through them.

When we experience negative feelings, our mind instinctively tries to protect us. Rather than repress these feelings by attempting to bury them down deep with the hopes of never seeing them again, place those unresolved emotions into your container. Slide that container under your bed or up in your closet knowing that they’re safe and that you’re able to access them when you’re ready. Also relish in the fact that these bad feelings are no longer weighing you down. You’re no longer carrying them around with you, as they’ve now found a new home – safe and secure in your own container.

LifeTip: Is It Time to Hit the Panic Button?

unnamed.jpg

Sometimes we feel like we’re about to burst. Between the pressures of work, home, school, friends, significant other, and bills, we can sometimes feel like we just can’t take it anymore. Then we get hit with an unexpected passing of a loved one, coming down with the flu, or finding out that our dog has chewed up our favorite pair of shoes. Soon we find ourselves reaching for that panic button, because we know the top is about to blow off this pressure cooker.

For those of you who have followed my blogs, you’re probably expecting me to say “take a minute and just breathe” right about now. Yes, breathing is of course essential, but when we find ourselves in the crosshairs of a full-blown melt down, we need a little more than some deep breathing exercises. We need to release that pressure valve and release it fast.

Let’s get a little nerdy and talk about what’s happening in the brain when we find ourselves in these panicked moments. When we’re calm, cool, and collected, we’re living in the “front room” of our brain; we’re able to think and act logically and make rational decisions. The more our anxiety and frustration increases, the further back in the house we go, until we land in the “back room” of our brain where we can only employ our fight, flight, freeze, or appease reactions. When we get locked into this back room, it’s almost impossible for us to think clearly, make rational decisions, and respond logically. I bring this up because the time to decide what to do when we’re in panic-mode is not when we’re locked in that back room. Rather, we need to develop our game plan when we’re calmly relaxing in our front room.

So what are you going to do? What's brought you back to center in the past? What’s helped you to walk away from that panic button? Now is the time to think through your plan. If you’ve gotten into a fight with your significant other or a friend, walk away. Remember, you’re amped up so you’re bound to say things that you don’t really mean. If you’re becoming overwhelmed with bills, set them down and go for a stroll around the block. You’re logical brain is not working well at this point; the last thing you want to do is make a mistake and end up sending two payments instead of one. You walk in the door after a long day at work and you find that Fido has destroyed your living room blinds. Let him outside to run and release some energy, then go shut yourself in your bathroom and get lost in YouTube-land; don’t take your frustrations out on Fido.  

While you’re doing your action planning, take the time to look up different de-stressing techniques. Deep breathing, grounding, yoga, and meditation are all activities that you can do by yourself. If those don’t resonate with you, think about who you’re going to reach out to in those times of stress. Who can you call and talk to when you’re feeling like your head is about to burst? Regardless of your identified action plan, do something that feels right and will work for you.

Stress and anxiety, as awful as they feel, don’t need to hold us captive. We are all capable of casting these feelings aside and deflating their power. Although, we must plan ahead and develop these strategies when we’re in a good head space. Ever hear the phrase, “the best defense is a strong offense”? Well, here is a good way to put that phrase into action. The more you plan, practice, and implement your de-stressing strategies, the less often you’ll find yourself looking for that panic button.

LifeTip: Is Anybody Listening?

 Jason Rosewell - Unsplash

Jason Rosewell - Unsplash

Feeling as though we’re not being heard can often trigger feelings of anger, frustration, sadness, and fear.  It can seem as though our words and our thoughts are not important to others, leaving us consumed with invalidation - the feeling or perception that someone else isn’t hearing you, is dismissing your thoughts, or is just flat out telling you that you’re wrong. Just as I’ve spoken about the “emotional rollercoaster” before, this is another one that can quickly zoom off from the station, launching us into a spiral of confrontation and ineffective communication.

Why does it seem so hard to stop this rollercoaster, or better yet, keep ourselves from jumping on board?  We just can’t seem to stop; we get on board and brace ourselves for the twists and turns of yelling, hurtful words, crossed arms, and ‘stink eye’ stares.  Wouldn’t it be nice, though, to just sit down and tell the other person how we’re really feeling and avoid all of this unnecessary bickering?  Effective communication is the key to avoiding these conflicts. Check out my latest blog post to learn more about the power of effective communication, as well as some tools to help beef up your communication skills.

LifeTip: What do you mean I have to stop therapy?

nordwood-themes-495444-unsplash.jpg

The therapist-client connection is a special one, and my clients are very, very important to me. There are a million reasons why goodbyes happen in therapy, but I have found that they all are painful on the surface, just in different degrees. Why? Most of the time, I run away from saying goodbye. My brain says, “but I don’t want to do it,” or, “I don’t like that!” in my most young, child-like voice, because the part of us that gets most affected by goodbyes is our very young self. The self that wants to be deeply connected to another person. Under the surface, however, goodbyes can provide healing and relief so it’s worth moving through the pain to get to that place.

There are two types of termination (a fancy word for goodbye) as I have come to experience and understand:

  1. When you (the client) decide to stop therapy (b/c of schedule changes, school ending, deciding you just want a break from all the talking)

  2. When your therapist makes the decision for whatever reason (schedule changes, decision to close their practice, a move, other life changes-having a baby, etc).

However the goodbye happens with your therapist, here are some general tips for handling this experience:

-Say all the things your brain is thinking to your therapist. I promise we can take it. It’s our job to hear all the things.

-Stick it out. Don’t run away. Come back. (I think that’s enough said, but I’ll clarify- goodbyes are super hard. Most humans have an instinct to run away from hard feelings, so your instinct will be to run away and never come back to another therapy session. Fight it. Come back so we can talk about it all).

-Make memories with your therapist. I know you have done incredible work together, even if you only saw your therapist for a few sessions. With my clients that I’ve seen for many months, we might make a memory book of things we have said to each other, we might make friendship bracelets, we might make a piece of art together.

-Ask as many questions as you need to ask. Ask some more. Cry. get angry. Yell. say that you feel nothing, and that you don’t care. Everything you say and do is normal.

-Clients have asked me, “why can’t we talk or communicate after our last session?” My answer is simply that it’s because sometimes relationships just have to end. The therapeutic relationship (I know, it sounds weird, but it just means-relationship between therapist and client) is a special one, one that is different than a parent-child, or friend-friend relationship, or even a teacher-child relationship. As a therapist, there are rules about communication afterwards for my license (kind of like rules for a doctor or a lawyer) that I have to follow.

In the end, I might not be able to fix every feeling about our goodbye, but I will always tell you this in our last session: “You matter to me. You are important to me. I will never forget you. I will never forget the unique person you are. I believe in you.”

When a goodbye happens that you weren’t expecting, it can feel like you don’t hold any of the cards, or you feel a bit powerless. But here’s a secret that I want to let you in on:

You are a powerful, magical being. You will survive this. You can tell me you won’t survive, and I’ll talk about that with you, but you are still a powerful, magical being through it all.

If your therapist needs to say goodbye for any reason, you’ll get the option to continue on your therapeutic journey with another therapist, or the option to take a break from therapy and rest a while. Maybe you go back, maybe you don’t. But a wise colleague said this to me, and I’m gifting it to you: the magic isn’t in the therapist, it’s in the therapy and the client itself.

I am not the secret ingredient (even though I am made of glitter and sparkles and I will always love you)- the work is. Your life is. Therapists are guides, we are listeners, we are helpers. And, you will find others who will listen, who will help and assist you in ways you never knew you needed. Carry me with you, be brave and go forth.

LifeTip: Light of a Clear Blue Morning

 Photograph courtesy of Chris Spicks of 396 Studios in Houston, Texas

Photograph courtesy of Chris Spicks of 396 Studios in Houston, Texas

Last month I wrote a post about the Dear Evan Hansen song “You Will Be Found.” I promised a follow up post and here it is. There’s a verse in the song that says, “So let the sun come streaming in cause you’ll reach up and you’ll rise again. Lift your head and look around. You will be found.” Pretty good words, right? They give me chills.

I think I’ve mentioned it once or twice that I’m in a choir. Well, in our next concert we are also singing a rendition of Dolly Parton’s “Light of a Clear Blue Morning.” These two songs were made for each other. Both are songs about hope, recovery, healing and moving forward. I’d love everyone to stop what they are doing and listen to this right now.

So what do we do when it feels dark, when we are alone, when we feel down? We look to the light, we find the light, we ignite the light. Even behind the clouds, the sun is still there. This calls on a little bit of faith - trusting that the darkness isn’t a trap, a black hole or a void. This calls on a little bit work. Sure, we can wait for the clouds to move because they always do (this is a great metaphor on mindfulness…). BUT, have you ever seen that beautiful moment in the sky when the sun is so bright and powerful that it beams THROUGH the clouds? Yes! That’s what I’m talking about - look to the light, find the light, IGNITE the light.

This post seems like it’s quickly going to something on the topic of self-compassion, so let’s just go there. You know what doesn’t work for me when I’m in a dark space - hating myself, hating anything really. But gosh, hate can be so easy sometimes. Maybe hate isn’t your operative word. Maybe it’s worry, criticism, depression… I’m a fan of feelings, all of them, I really am, but I’m not a “just think positively” kinda gal. I am, however, a firm believer in all things self-compassion. People, it is not selfish to love yourself! You are not hurting anyone by giving yourself empathy, understanding, love and concern. Light is ignited by giving ourselves self-compassion. It’s a remedy for stress, anger, worry, hate, judgement, sadness...oh, so much. Light is found by finding the worth inside yourself. Light is seen by looking at all the other times the clouds parted and there was that beautiful, bright and clear blue morning. It’s there every time. Let it in.

LifeTip: Connection

 Photo by  Mathyas Kurmann  on  Unsplash

Since the bombings that have occurred in Austin, I have really started to think about human connection. True connection. I happen to live in a neighborhood where two of the bombings happened and it was terrifying for obvious reasons. Fear was the biggest emotion to consume me, however, as I sat with this fear and explored it I began to think about the others who may be sharing this feeling with me, my neighbors. As I thought about the people literally closest to me, I had a realization: I don't know who is living next door to me, across the street, down the street or anywhere in my vicinity that could be sitting with this as well. Yes, I know their faces, their cars, their general schedules but that's it. As I sat with this a little longer, I began to wonder what it would have been like to know them before, during, and after these events. Could I have or would I have walked next door and checked in on them? Would they have checked in on me and my family? Would we be sharing our feelings together? I know I am not alone in this because others have shared a very similar story.

So what does it mean to know that I am not the only one who does not know who they live next to? To me, this is a very large sign that we need to CONNECT with each other--our neighbors, our community. We live in such an isolated society, even though we are more "connected" than ever because of social media. How does this even make sense?!? 

Many of us are using social media platforms to share tiny bits of information about our lives with others in order to "connect," but in reality, we are distancing ourselves from REAL LIFE-- from TRUE CONNECTION. Could you imagine knowing your neighbors' names instead of knowing what that person you met once at a networking event is eating for dinner? Or knowing what your neighbor does for a living instead of knowing where that person from high school went on vacation with their "perfect" family of four (you also know each family member's name) that you never really liked anyway? Maybe you do know what it's like to know your neighbors, so you may have insight on this, but if you don't, what do you imagine this could look like? What do you imagine this could look like when there is danger nearby? Just the idea of knowing the people that surround my house causes a shift in my body to feel a little calmer, feel a little safer.

I recently finished the book, Lost Connections, by Johann Hari, and there is an excerpt I want to share with you because it has really resonated with me in the wake of the Austin bombings. In this excerpt, Hari is writing about John Cacioppo's research on the effects of the outside world on the brain in regards to loneliness:

Protracted loneliness causes you to shut down socially, and to be more suspicious of any social contact, he found. You become hypervigilant. You start to be more likely to take offense where none was intended and to be afraid of strangers. You start to be afraid of the very thing you need most. John calls this a “snowball” effect, as disconnection spirals into more disconnection. Lonely people are scanning for threats because they unconsciously know that nobody is looking out for them, so no one will help them if they are hurt. 

YES. So much YES. As I read on in the book, I learned that this can change. With a little bit of effort, this snowball effect of loneliness can be reversed through face-to-face connections. By having conversations with your neighbors, your friends, and your family, you can decrease loneliness and feel safer. The great thing about neighbors. specifically, is that you have many opportunities to connect with them since they live in such close proximity to you. So, why not begin the connection with them through conversation? To give you a chance to feel a little safer and a little more connected. 

For those with social anxiety, I see you. You can do this. I can help you or you can find someone that can help you. For those who do not have social anxiety, please be aware that human connection may be scary for some, but you can be there to help them when they are ready. We are wired for connection,  y'all.*

Much metta.

*It has taken every ounce of me not to quote Mr. Rogers, so feel free to do so now. 

LifeTip: You Are Not Alone

 Photo by  Jared Rice  on  Unsplash

Photo by Jared Rice on Unsplash

You are not alone.

It’s easy to say, but when you’re standing in a crowded room with no one beside you, with no one to talk to, then the phrase just doesn’t feel real.

You are not alone.

How can this possibly be true even when you stand in a room of your “closest” friends and not one of them knows about that secret turmoil you keep hidden so well?

You are not alone.

Why do people even say this?

That’s some opener there, isn’t it? If you’re feeling a little heavy right now, that’s okay, just keep reading.

Have you heard about Dear Evan Hansen? It’s a musical about a high school boy with social anxiety. In one of the most beautifully written and composed songs in musical theatre, “You Will Be Found” brings the phrase “you are not alone” into a living, breathing promise. A promise. I heard that from my choir director as we were rehearsing this song at our last practice (yeah, I’m a choir nerd and a therapist!). “Sing this like a promise,” she said. That spoke to me and also weighed on me a little.

I have heard people say, and have said so myself, “Oh, you’ll find your crowd later in life. It’s just hard now.” What this can provide is a little hope but what this doesn’t satisfy is the pain and loneliness that too many feel right now, here and now, today. The lyrics to “You Will Be Found” remind me, though, that our connection doesn’t just exist in the physical. It’s beyond that. We are not alone. We ALL have one very core commonality and that is We All Feel. Our feelings may not stem from the same experiences, but my loneliness and your loneliness still have something in common.

You are not alone.

When you’re in a crowded room, see beyond the chit-chat and look into the eyes, posture, and hearts of people. What story might they have that tells a tale like yours?

You are not alone.

When you’re in a group of your friends, tell them how you feel. Embrace the vulnerability and brave the silence after you speak. Let them meet you where you are and maybe you’ll find that they understand more than you thought they would.

You are not alone. You will be found.

We say it because it’s true. Promise.

Here’s a gorgeous and moving rendition of the song that I think you need to listen to today.

Stay tuned for my next blog post titled “Light of the Clear Blue Morning!”

LifeTip: Where Is My Happiness?

 Photo by  Evan Kirby  on  Unsplash

Photo by Evan Kirby on Unsplash

Isn’t the ultimate goal for us to be happy?  It’s something that each and every one of us truly wants but we can easily get caught out in the weeds during our search for it.  Whether we’ve fallen off the path or in a new search of it, happiness is something that each of us deserves to experience. So why is this so hard for some of us to find when we all want it so badly?  Perhaps a good place to start would be in taking a look at what happiness really is.

Many clinically-based definitions focus on the consistent state of experiencing positive emotions along with the strong ability to mitigate the damaging effects of negative emotions.  What?? For the rest of us, I like to think of happiness as that emotion that brings about feelings of: pride, excitement, enjoyment, “warm fuzzies”, contentment, and joy. As that first definition suggests, being happy doesn’t mean that you’re immune to sadness, disappointment, frustration, or the “blahs”.  Contrary to popular belief or desire, it’s okay for different emotions to cohabitate (remember the ending of “Inside Out” when the memory balls were multicolored?). An authentically happy person is able to consistently experience that true joy and zest for life and, in turn, successfully work through those “yucky” times with greater ease than unhappy people.

I can almost hear some of you saying, “yea, but what is it?  What will make me happy?” Not that I necessarily want to play that ‘counselor card’, but you already have that answer inside of you.  No one can tell you what makes you happy; only you can identify things that make you happy. So, think on it for a minute. What things truly light up that fire inside of you and leave you feeling like you’re wrapped in a soft, cozy blanket?  For some, happiness is just that – wrapped up tightly in a fleece blanket, snuggled up on the couch watching a movie. For others, it’s out hiking in the greenbelt on a warm sunny day. Others experience happiness in being surrounded by close friends or family members.  The point is, happiness looks different for each and every one of us and it’s our job to figure out what those things are that bring us happiness; we can’t rely on someone else to do that for us.

Still having a hard time pinning down things that make you happy?  Here are a few things that you can do to help:

Practice gratitude:  be thankful for the things that you have and for the people that are around you.  By counting your blessings and reframing your thoughts to ones of giving thanks, you’ll find that you experience more optimism and gratefulness throughout the day.

Cultivate relationships:  we all have an inherent need for human contact and it’s through this contact, that we’re able to create a foundation of security and peace.  Whether it be an intimate relationship or a social relationship, it’s important that we all have a network of people that we can share our happiness with and who can support us when the happiness fades a bit.

Get off your rear:  stop creating a permanent divot in your couch and get out and enjoy the outdoors.  Many studies have shown that sunlight and nature have a tremendous benefit on our mental health and our happiness.  Go explore a new biking trail, join a Meet-Up group, take in some live music, or enjoy a nice café latte at your favorite coffee house.  Regardless of what you chose, get up and do it!

Be kind:  doing nice things for others makes us feel good about ourselves.  More importantly though, being kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same amount of love, appreciation, and forgiveness that you want others to give you.  To me, loving yourself is the key to true happiness.

This list could go on and on for happiness is found through a multitude of ways.  The bottom line, though, is that you need to take action and hunt down your own happiness.  You will soon find that your true happiness is often right in front of you. Pick it up and embrace it!  Every single one of us deserves to feel that highly sought after joy, excitement, and peace.