parenting

Sync Up and Parent as a Team

Imagine parenting to be like managing a ship. You plan a route, assign tasks to your crew and hope that everyone pitches in. The crew relies on the co-captains, or parents, for guidance and reassurance. Now imagine if the co-captains are sending conflicting information. This approach leaves the crew confused about how to proceed. Often, what ensues is chaos, stress, and a crew that either attempts to benefit from this discord or proceed with discouragement.

This is similar to families when the co-captains, or parents, are not aligned. Each partner is working hard and making decisions based on their own goals, often unaware of what their co-captain is delegating at the same time. Let’s be clear, this is typically done with the best of intentions and belief that you are steering your family in a great direction. Yet, if the ship is being steered in two different directions, not much is accomplished. If you notice your children going behind your back to ask your partner permission, the rules often shift, or perhaps there is no family mission in place, this can be a fantastic opportunity to reflect with your partner on how to sync up. This can feel like a big undertaking. Many of us did not grow up in homes that had consistent structure and a transparency in why our parents operated the way they did. However, this is an opportunity to grow and learn. Remember: perfection is not the end goal here!

A great starting point is to sit down with your partner and discuss what values you are wanting to instill in your family. Whether that be adventure, honesty, selfless service, etc., start to discuss why these values matter to you. Really hear each other out and try to connect with your partner’s point of view, even if your lists differ. Second, reflect on how your current “rules” or guidelines at home either support or deviate from these values. You want to both be clear on how each guideline directly promotes your top values. Once these guidelines are clearly established, they also need to be written out so that all ages can understand what is expected. When spelling out guidelines think “SMART” - Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, Timely. For younger kids, pictures are also effective.

It can be helpful to call a family meeting and sit down with your kids to discuss, especially when changes have been made. Now with the family present, explain what is the purpose of each guideline. For example, we will spend each Sunday morning together as a family at breakfast for one hour, without phone/tablets to include quality time, holidays and vacations included. If you have buy-in about the purpose of this, there is more likelihood your children will have buy-in as well. Allow for questions and even for a respectful discussion to ensue. With teens, it oftentimes helps to allow some flexibility for feedback or editing the guidelines together so everyone can feel invested in the process. Having everyone sign the list and posting a copy for reference can symbolize this commitment of the entire family.

Now, the most important piece: FOLLOW THROUGH. Louder for the people in the back!! CONSISTENCY is key. If you and your partner agree to establish a rule or guideline, stick to it. It can be tough, but it’s so crucial to make sure you’re honoring your co-captain and the mission you’ve laid out for your family. If you slide, that actually means you are going against your commitment. This lends to anxiety and confusion.  It is crucial for your children to learn that you are true to your word and that what you expect of them is consistent. Perhaps this feels like something too big to take on without some extra support or you and your partner feel way off track. This can be common, especially with separated or blended families that are trying co-parent and are struggling to communicate. Know that family therapy is an option. There are wonderful therapists who can patiently walk parents through this process, and help clarify how to work together to steer the ship in an intentional direction.

Treating Parents is Key to Treating Anxious Children

Earlier this week in the break room, Blake and Tracy shared about a recent study they had read.  As one of the rare individuals who thoroughly enjoy reading academic research, I was PSYCHED – not just because I got to hunker down with my highlighter in hand, but in that it pertained to treating children with anxiety.  While these two things alone would bring a smile to my face, the results were tremendously powerful: TREAT THE PARENTS. While this may seem like a simple and maybe obvious solution to a family systems therapist like myself, you’d be surprised how little family/parental work is done when the main client is a young person with anxiety.  It is not uncommon for parents to believe that their anxious child is the one who needs therapy, which is certainly still true. However, if the goal of all involved is to support the child in reducing symptoms of anxiety, treating the parents is very much the key to success.

According to Eli Lebowitz, the associate director of the Anxiety and Mood Disorders at the Yale Child Study Center, parents of anxious children almost always try to accommodate their child. She states, “For instance, if the child suffers from social anxiety, no friends are invited to the house; in the case of separation anxiety, parents sleep with their child or never leave the home. Parents constantly reassure a child with generalized anxiety. While the responses of parents are natural, studies have shown that they also leave children suffering from debilitating anxiety into adulthood”.  Currently, there are only two evidence-based treatments for anxiety, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT, which I provide and have written about in past blog posts - Embracing Self-Compassion and Let’s Talk About Teen Mental Health), and medication. Of those able to receive these options, however, only half of the children respond to treatment. Because of this, it has been vital for researchers to find additionally effective treatments.

Yale researchers randomly assigned 124 children ages 7 – 14 with diagnosed anxiety disorders to either receive cognitive behavioral therapy, or their parents were enrolled in the Yale SPACE program, or Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions. For 12 weeks, parents attended weekly counseling sessions geared toward helping themselves cope with their anxious child.  While both approaches were equally effective in reducing the child’s stress levels and anxiety symptoms, the “accommodating” behavior parents typically engage in reduced significantly after receiving SPACE counseling.

For example, a parent assigned to SPACE was able to decrease the number of daily text messages sent to their child from “dozens” to about 2 – 3.  Also, parents who repeatedly kept their child out of school because of anxiety-related stomachaches learned to say, “I know you are feeling upset right now, but I know you’ll be okay,” and sent their child to school.

It is believed that the accommodating behaviors were reduced due to encouraging parents to validate their child’s emotions, while also creating and maintaining boundaries and consistent support for the child. In a 2013 study about Space, Lebowitz shared this example script:

“We understand it makes you feel really anxious or afraid. We want you to know that this is perfectly natural and everyone feels afraid some of the time. We also want you to know that it is our job as your parents to help you get better at things that are hard for you, and we have decided to do exactly that. We are going to be working on this for a while and we know it will probably take time, but we love you too much not to help you when you need help.”.


I am very much excited to share that I will now be challenging myself to learn more about the SPACE approach, and will begin engaging parents more frequently when treating their child’s anxiety.  Also, for you parents of anxious children out there, I’ve created a short and quick cheat sheet that may also help you in this process:

  1. Listen to what your child is saying, both verbally and with their body language!

  2. Validate your child’s feelings – “I see that you feel _______”.  

  3. Normalize the feelings – “Everyone feels _______ sometimes”.

  4. Support – “We are all working on this together, and I love you”.

Thanks for letting me share this exciting work with you, and as always, be safe, be peaceful and be kind ☺


Fighting the End-Of-School-Year Burnout

Photo by  Tim Gouw  on  Unsplash

Photo by Tim Gouw on Unsplash

It’s often the same old story for students. You are counting down the days until the school year ends, and then freedom can begin! You have spent all year working hard and juggling so many moving parts in your life. Yet, finals are coming up and summer feels far away. Maybe you’ve already noticed your motivation dropping and your feet dragging when it comes to keep up with everything going on. The struggle can feel very real!

This feeling of “burnout” often pops up when we try to power through, without also taking care of ourselves. You may have received messages that you have to keep pushing on, even if you start to reach your breaking point. However, this is not realistic! Resilience, or the ability to keep going despite our circumstances, requires us to rest when we need to.

For some, burnout means feeling cranky, checked out, tearful or even shutting down. Things that used to be fun, can seem uninteresting or even overwhelming. Your body is actually screaming, “take care of me! Slow down!”

What can you do?? You have a couple months left a you still need to survive. Here are some simple tools you can use to help yourself recharge and actually get through this last hump until summer break. I challenge you to try some of these on, and see what works for you:

1.    Check in with yourself. What are you are feeling right now? Maybe: sad, irritated, nervous, numb… find the word that feels true. And then name one helpful thing you can do for yourself in this moment. And most importantly, DO it!

2.    Get your basic needs met. Are you hungry, thirsty, or tired? If these things aren’t being taken care of not much else will be able to help. It’s amazing the impact a glass of water or a 20-minute power nap can have.

3.    Find one moment each day that you are grateful for. Gratitude actually helps us see our life in a more positive light.

4.    Make a list of small things that energize you. And then write those into your weekly planner. Literally. Carve out time in your schedule to do at least 2-3 of those, along with your other responsibilities. It’s ok to be busy, and still take moments for you!

5.    Mix it up! If you are starting to feel like each week is dragging on, then find ways to do things a bit differently. Maybe change up your study spots, try out some new breakfast recipes, change up your route to school or find some new albums to listen to. Variety will help your brain stay present in the moment and less “checked out”.

6.    Name the hard days. Having a tough day? Call it out. You can start by admitting this to yourself or talk to people in your life that you trust.  It can help you accept that you are being challenged and realize that others are in the same boat. This doesn’t mean you’re weak, only human. Plus, you’ve already survived ALL of your hard days up to this point. You’ve got a pretty great track record!


Feeling stressed? Learn more about our therapy services today!

How To Let Go of Your Own Stuff and Parent Your LGBTQ+ Kid With Unconditional Love

The emotional support and unconditional acceptance from the caregiver/parent of a youth is imperative in promoting a positive and successful life for the youth. Each and every one of us have navigated through our own identity formation stage in life. Through this stage, we recognized and eventually embraced all of the pieces of ourselves that create our own identity. For some, that period included the construct of heterosexuality and for others that stage included: homosexuality, bisexuality, sexual fluidity, or any other construct that is not within the parameters and confines of heterosexuality. Our gender identification also occurs during this period. Whether it be the two binary gender concepts of male and female or gender concepts that fall outside of the binary constructs such as: non-binary, gender fluid, agender, or transgender. Regardless, though, of what is learned and embraced, each and every one of us were provided with an opportunity to learn and appreciate who we are as individuals. Kiddos need that same opportunity as well as the unconditional love and support from their parents/caregivers.

I could sure get academic and rattle off the various studies that have been conducted to assess the emotional well-being of youth who consistently received that support from parents compared to youth who did not receive that love and support, but I’d rather talk to you as a person and not a research study. Yes, each study identifies grave disparities between the two groups and the well-being of those where the love and support was withheld resulted in poor mental health, school performance, struggles in maintaining healthy relationships, and substance use issues. More important, though, individuals who don’t receive that unconditional love and support from their parents are often left floundering and feeling abandoned by their foundation – their parents &/or caregivers.

Within my practice, I often hear parents say, “I just want to love my kid but now that they’ve told me (I’m gay, I’m non-binary, I’m transgender, etc.) I feel like I just don’t know how to show him that I love him anymore.” I’ll often respond with a question of how the parent showed love to her child prior to the ‘announcement’ and how is it that the love of yesterday can’t be displayed today? What often is discovered is that the parent &/or caregiver has gotten caught up in her own struggles with the youth’s identity which has caused a rift in the relationship between parent and child. Through positive support, education, and processing, parents are able to work through their own biases and return to a place where their love is no longer hindered by their fears.

Parents – love your kiddos. Whether they’re 2, 15, or 46 years old, they need to know that you love and support them. When you see your child struggling, talk to them. Don’t talk down to them, just talk to them. Educate yourself, reach out to someone to talk to, join a parent support group, or set up an appointment to meet with a therapist. Do something so that you are best equipped to be that core source of support and love for your child. Don’t allow your biases or struggles become your child’s torment. Rather, relish in the thought that your child loves and trusts you enough to show you his true and authentic self for it is within this authenticity that genuine love thrives.

As many of you know, working with LBGTQIA++ youth is a passion of mine. Once the holiday’s pass and things begin to calm down a bit, I will finally be starting up a processing/support group for high school-aged individuals who identify as LGBTQIA++. I’ve attached our groups flyer with additional information. Contact us by clicking the button below to start the enrollment process!

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ParentTip: Helping Your Teen Through Anxiety & Depression

Teenagers: society often labels them as hormonal/moody, irresponsible, and addicted to technology. While some say these stereotypes exist for a reason, what happens if a teen is experiencing anxiety or depression? Do these labels change? How can you even tell?

For parents of teens, it can be incredibly difficult to recognize whether your teen’s behavior is “normal” or a sign of an underlying mental health issue, especially since many symptoms tend to be similar.

Take, for instance, common symptoms of anxiety and depression:

  • irritability

  • social withdrawal

  • changes in sleep patterns

Now for comparison, let’s look at common developmental milestones and indicators of healthy teen development, particularly in terms of establishing autonomy and independence:

  • increased concern regarding self-image

  • wanting to spend more time with friends

  • increased need for sleep

When you read these, it may not appear that the two examples are similar. However, behaviorally, they are commonly expressed in the same ways; especially from a parent’s point of view.

So, at what point does a teen’s behavior go from developmentally appropriate to something more serious?  The chart below provides a few (though, not all) common examples to keep in mind.

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*Please note that this chart is not a replacement for professional consultation, and any concerns should be brought up with your child’s mental health care provider or primary care provider. If your teen has told you that they are depressed or if their behavior is concerning, professional attention is warranted and should be sought out as soon as possible.



If you are concerned that your teen may be experiencing depression, it is imperative to seek professional treatment as soon as possible.  In addition to professional care, there are a few things you can do as a parent to help:

  1. Be Supportive

    • Build empathy by putting yourself in their shoes.

      • While you may be frustrated that your teen is irritable, remember that even day-to-day tasks require significant energy that they might not have. If they are exhausted, it’s understandable that they may want to just retreat to their room.

      • Recognize that if they could snap their fingers and feel better, they would.

    • Validate their emotions, NOT the behavior.

      • Try saying, “It seems as though you’ve been really down lately. Is that true?” Make it clear that you want to try and understand what’s troubling them without trying to problem solve.

    • LISTEN

      • Ask questions calmly, gently, and without becoming emotional. Listen calmly and without judgment.

  2. Accentuate the Positive

    • Notice your teen when they are doing something positive, and let them know verbally and directly that you see the effort they are putting in.

    • Don’t weigh these behaviors on what they “should” be doing. We all like to be noticed for our efforts, even if they are expected.

  3. Help Them Get Treatment

    Some teens will want help, and some won’t. This is normal and expected when asserting independence.

    • If they don’t want help:

      • Respect their space and respond with something like, “I’ll give you more space, and know that I’m here for you if you ever want to talk or hear my suggestions.”

    • If the do want help:

      • Be prepared. Do your research. Find 2 or 3 therapists they can interview and let them know that they can choose who they feel most comfortable with. Finding a good fit is very important, and letting your teen choose gives them ownership over their treatment, setting the stage for it to be more effective overall.

  4. Take Care of Yourself

    • It can be emotionally exhausting to be a parent of someone struggling with depression.

    • Make time for yourself and ask others for support.

    • Remember the airplane mask rule: put your mask on first before you assist others. If you can’t breathe, then there is little, if anything, you can do to help. Same goes for emotions. Make sure there is enough in your tank to give 🙂  

LifeTip: How Setting Boundaries Promotes Intimacy

Recently, I’ve felt inspired by both my personal and professional life when it comes to interpersonal boundaries. Setting boundaries in our relationships can be challenging because it requires a bit of finessing, but in the long run it can actually help promote intimacy with others.

Often when we talk about setting boundaries in relationships, we refer to creating metaphorical lines that are not to be crossed or tampered with in order to protect ourselves. This idea may appear to create distance in a relationship, perhaps in one that requires nurturing and closeness, but in most cases, the opposite is true.

Boundaries are not only a way to protect ourselves in relationships, they also create healthy structure, promote predictability and safety, and are a form of self-care. A boundary can be as simple as setting guidelines with your child about phone usage at the dinner table. Other boundaries can be more complex, such as telling a parent or family member that certain topics are off-limits because they personally result in unhelpful consequences and emotional discomfort. In either case, we set boundaries with the people we care about in order to increase the safety, intimacy, and long-term sustainability of each relationship. Setting boundaries can be appropriate in any relationship: your child, parent, sibling, partner, friend, coworker, the list goes on. If it’s a relationship you care about, it can certainly benefit from setting healthy boundaries.

It’s important to note that setting boundaries can be really challenging, especially if this is something new you’re trying. It might feel awkward, it might also create some short-term confusion/anger/resentment, and it might even take a handful of tries before it feels authentic. Be patient with yourself and this relationship. If you care enough about this person and yourself, allow the time and space to work out the kinks.

Here are some helpful tips when setting interpersonal boundaries:

  • Practice saying no/yes when it comes to your needs/desires and reflect on how you manage hearing “no” from others. Practice tolerating any uncomfortable emotions that come up.

  • Reflect on your sense of identity. Practice accepting and respecting yourself.

  • Practice speaking up when you feel you have been abused or disrespected by others.

  • Take time to identify your wants, needs, and feelings. Practice using direct communication to share these wants, needs, and feelings with others.

  • Identify your limits and allow others to define their limits.


Finally, remember that we set boundaries out of love and not punishment!

Practice compassion for yourself and within your relationships 😊


LifeTip: Communicating Your Needs and Getting What You Want

Photo by  Mona Khaleghi  on  Unsplash

You can’t always get what you want, but how do you get what you need?

The Rolling Stones may have been on to something with their 1969 hit “You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” but what happens when you “try sometimes” and still can’t get what you need? Think about it: Have you ever tried explaining what you need or how you feel to a friend, family member or spouse, but the message doesn’t seem to translate? No matter how you try to explain yourself, your listener becomes defensive, uninterested or simply does not react the way you had anticipated. Afterwards, as you mentally parse every word that was spoken, you start to wonder if talking about your needs, bringing up a concern, or making a request was even worth it in the first place. Let me reassure you- it WAS worth it! Not expressing your needs with others may leave you feeling unfulfilled, overwhelmed and resentful towards those relationships. In my work with couples and individuals, I have found that in most relationships, platonic or romantic, both parties want to provide adequate support and meet the needs of the other person. The problem is not the request for support, but instead how the request was made.

In a society where social and emotional learning is now being taught to kids as young as Pre-K, we are all pretty well versed in “I statements” (for those of you unfamiliar, an “I statement” goes something like this: I feel because ). Many couples and individuals report that they have used traditional “I Statements” but the results have been less than satisfactory. What I have discovered is that this statement tends to leave the listener with only a small amount of information, and in many situations, they can get defensive. While we have the best intentions in explaining why we feel the way we do, this format of the “I Statement” tends to lead us into a “you”/blaming format.

For example: “I feel sad because you are so selfish.”

In this example you have articulated your feelings, but, unfortunately, your listener is left to interpret your meaning of “selfish” and forced to guess how they could appear less selfish in your eyes. This is especially difficult if the listener doesn’t feel as if they are being selfish, or they just become defensive at the term. Instead of providing our partner or friend with a road map of how to better support us, we end up leaving them questioning the security of our relationship and lacking direction of how to meet our needs.

In an effort to reduce conflict and allow individuals to express their needs, I teach my clients a modified version of the “I Statement.” With this new phrasing, we exclude why the person feels the way they do in the initial statement, and instead specify under what circumstances the feeling occurs, as well as the needs of the speaker. The goal is not to negate why you feel the way you do, however, you want your listener to hear your message before they start disputing your reasoning or feeling under attack. Conversation immediately following the stating of your needs, may allow for you to express the “why.” The phrase I recommend to anyone interested in clearly communicating needs, looks like this:

“I FEEL , WHEN . I NEED .

This statement allows the speaker to not only express how they feel, but give a specific example of when the feeling occurs, and exactly what they need from the listener. Sounds like great information to give and receive, right? This does, however, require a little bit of thinking on your part. Before approaching a loved one with a feeling, determine what you need from the individual. The goal is not to blame the other person for your feelings, but instead provide specific details about what they can do to help you.

In the case of our example, instead of saying: “I feel sad because you are so selfish.”

Try saying: “I feel sad when you refuse to go to the symphony with me. I need you to show interest and agree to participate in activities that I like. I feel supportive when we go to see your favorite soccer team. I need to feel the same support from you.”

See the difference? The modified “I statement” lets the listener know that the speaker is upset, gives specific reasons why, and provides the listener a road map to the speaker’s preferred path forward. Now the listener should have an opportunity to explain how they are feeling, and if they can’t agree to meet the specified needs, they need to explain why that is (more modified “I statements”, but this time from the listener).

Keep in mind, not only couples and adults benefit from clearly stating their needs. While teens may need more help labeling their feelings and identifying their needs, statements such as the modified “I statement” may provide them with an incredible template to express themselves!


Here are a Few Tips for Conversations about Needs:

  1. Privacy Please! Conversations discussing sensitive topics should be done in private, or at least without other people within ear shot. If you want your partner/friend/family member to fully focus on your message, and respond authentically, give them an environment that they feel secure to do that in.

  2. Fully focused! Find a time that is free from distractions. If your listener is dividing their focus, they may not fully understand what you are asking of them or even be able to process your conversation. Also consider outside stressors that may prevent your message from translating; such as, stressful days for your listener, exhausted listener, etc.

  3. Make “eyes” with your listener! Gazing into one another’s eyes allows us to bond, without speaking. By making eye contact, you are showing your listener that you not only want their attention, but you want to connect with them.

** In some situations, the idea of sitting face to face may feel too confrontational. In these cases, instead of forgoing the conversation all together, consider taking a walk and talking side by side, or chatting in the car (after you have pulled into the driveway).

Help your partner meet your needs and vice versa. Use “I feel , when . I need .” statements to get your message across. Encourage the people in your life to also use these statements, so that you can appropriately respond to their needs as well. Promote this type of discussion until it becomes a natural part of your conversations!

TeenTip: Planning Your Way to a Stress-Free Summer

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Ah, summer. It’s the time of year when the smells of backyard barbecues, sunscreen and citronella combine seamlessly in the hot Texas air. On your evening walk to the mailbox you're able to hear kids playing, cicadas chirping and lawn mowers in the distance.  If you’re an adult, you may pleasantly reminisce to those days of summer when you didn’t have a care in the world and you spent your days out on amazing adventures which brought you home, miraculously, just in time for dinner. Millennial adults remember the hours spent roaming movie theaters, three-way calling and imagining what kind of housemate you’d be if you made it on Road Rules or The Real World (or is that just me?).  It was a simpler time back then. Relaxing. Carefree.

What we often forget, however, is that summer is a time of transition. It is a time when both parents and their children experience a loss of structure, which can end up being challenging for everyone involved. It is important to keep in mind that for most young people, this structure is really about their social life. School provides ample opportunity for connection. Without it, some teens might become anxious about how they are going to continue those relationships throughout the summer. Add to that the pressure of making the team, staying on top of their college preparations, getting ready to move to a new school, feeling self-conscious about “swim suit season” and finally, having their parents remind them that summer is about having fun and relaxing! This is all but relaxing, especially for a teen experiencing anxiety or depression.  

These teens might need some extra help during the summer months. In order to keep your cool during connection attempts with your child, here are some ways this new lack of structure might affect them as a person with anxiety and depression:

1. Isolation

  • School provides opportunities for young people to build connections and relationships (ultimately building support), contribute to the well-being of others, practice social skills, and check in on how they view themselves against a more realistic barometer. Teens with anxiety or depression may isolate themselves to feel safer, but this approach can actually make negative feelings worse.

2. Free Time

  • With anxiety and depression, your teen might experience avoidance and lack of motivation. Depression feeds off of free time, and free time reinforces the distorted belief that they have no purpose or value because they are not able to self-motivate. Feeling like they have not accomplished something can stir up guilt, shame, frustration and anger.  Finding an activity for them can help structure their time, while also allowing them to explore something they feel passionate about – ultimately increasing their sense of self-worth.

3. Lack of Stimulation

  • During the year, school allows teens to focus on productive activities. It gives them natural opportunities to push away negative thoughts and feelings, because there is other work that requires their focus and attention. This stimulation has the potential to keep depression at bay. When summer comes along and there isn't a school schedule to follow it is easy for teens to lose focus and experience a lack of stimulation, which can lead to increased anxiety and depression.

Considering all the benefits that school provides for students with depression, teens and parents should look to carefully plan the summer so that the rug doesn't get pulled out from under them. Here are some natural and inexpensive ways to replicate the benefits of school:

  1. Have a Schedule – create a to-do list, even if it seems minor.

  2. Daily Physical Activity – It fills time, improves mood and is an opportunity to accomplish something and/or nurture social relationships.

  3. Employment / Volunteer Work – An effective tool against depression is helping others. Employment or volunteering opportunities can provide structure, stimulation and social interaction.

  4. Strengthen Existing Commitments – Whether through club sports, faith communities or additional learning, teens can find purpose when engaging with their community.

  5. Stay Focused on Academics – While a reprieve from the pressures of school are necessary, keeping up with academics is beneficial for some. It can also ease their transition into the next school year.

  6. Leisure  - Ideally, leisure time is given the same priority as the items listed above and is mainly social. This allows teens to take time for themselves and blow off steam by participating in activities they enjoy, with people they enjoy. * Remember that these are activities of their own choosing, and not something that you hope they will enjoy.

  7. Down Time is IMPORTANT! – There is such a thing as TOO MUCH activity. Filling every minute of the day with activities is exhausting and might even decrease their self-esteem. Regardless of age, it is important for everyone to have time to unwind and be alone, as long as it’s only one part of many.

A thoughtful and well planned summer can not only help those with depression and anxiety by avoiding certain stressors, but it could also help them make gains in managing their illness!


 

 

ParentTip: The Mayhem of May!

Photo by    Aaron Burden    on Unsplash

Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

The month of May is often fraught with a unique blend of moments; the kind of moments that elicit intense highs and lows that can end up making parents feel scattered, overwhelmed, and all over the emotional map. Sometimes we refer to this feeling as an emotional rollercoaster. I certainly feel those peaks and valleys, and for years I have noticed that other parents do, too. It makes sense though, when you step back and take a look at the type of moments that get packed into this little month. Graduations! School parties! Finals! Proms! Summer internships! New jobs! Packing for camp! I could go on and on... as a parent, you get the picture.

Although the constant commotion can become overwhelming, I think each moment individually matters in a notable and remarkable way to each of us. These milestone moments are saturated with growth and meaning, whether your child is a toddler, teen, or young adult. The month of May is an extraordinary time where bittersweet endings and exciting new beginnings overlap and get entangled. It is a time for greetings and goodbyes, each of which are laden with complex, mixed emotions, whether that be a fear of letting go or an eagerness to do so. No wonder a parent can feel all over the place!

This post goes out to parents at the close of May and the opening of summer. May you find comfort in knowing that your heightened emotions make sense, and that you are not alone. Summer is on the horizon. Parents, you are almost there.  May the breath of summer bring a respite from the mayhem of May!

ParentTip: Where’s That Parenting Manual?

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Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a manual of some sort that was issued the moment you become a parent?   Unfortunately, there is no manual that can capture all of the in’s and out’s of being a parent. Just as being a kiddo is rough, a parent’s job is equally as rough.  Every day can seem like a trial and error experiment. One of the biggest questions that I get asked is, “how do I become a better parent to my child?”

At the sake of sounding like a broken record, my first response is to always stop and breathe.  Give yourself permission to put the brakes on for a few moments and relax.  I can appreciate that there are many moments where you are juggling: grocery shopping, talking on the phone with the cable company, keeping an eye out on your child, and checking out the date and time of your kiddo’s next soccer match.  With all of this multi-tasking, though, it is vital that you take a moment for yourself so that you can regroup; burning the candle at both ends can’t last forever.

My second statement is often “it’s okay to make mistakes”.  We’re all human and all are afforded the opportunity to make mistakes and learn from our mistakes.  Yes, parents are essentially superheroes but even superheroes can’t be perfect 100% of the time. Accept and embrace that mistakes will happen as a parent and allow yourself the compassion to forgive yourself.  In doing this, you’re not only giving yourself the grace that you deserve but you’re modeling positive self-care and self-appreciation to your child.

Taking on the responsibility of rearing a child and helping to shape your kiddo’s values and decision making skills is a tall order for anyone.  Although children are always looking to you for guidance and support, they are also learning how to successfully navigate through the tough stuff.  If you’ve had a crummy day at work or you and your partner are having a spat, your kiddos are watching to see how you deal with the yucky stuff. These young eyes are absorbing everything that they see and using this to help shape how they navigate through their own rough patches.

In working with youth, I often support them as they work through concepts of identity – the good old “who am I” concept.  Through this, we identify the different pieces of child that create who that child is. I utilize the same concept when working with parents.  We are all made up of many different pieces and possesses many different qualities and attributes that make up who we are as individuals. Yes, you’re a parent, but you’re also a human being that deserves just as much love and appreciation as every other person.

As a parent, you do hold a responsibility of providing safety, security, love, support, and guidance for your children.  You also hold a responsibility to yourself as an individual. Be patient with yourself and give yourself the grace to make mistakes.  Love on yourself and take time to just breathe and re-center. When things get rough, do what you need to do in order to release that stress and calm down.  Lastly, find someone to talk to – a friend, your partner, a counselor. There’s no shame in admitting that we need a little extra support at times.