What Would Your Feelings Tell You if You Paused Long Enough to Listen?
Photo by David Clode on Unsplash
The relationship most of us have with our emotions is complicated. I know personally I can fall in the trap of embracing happiness and excitement, and actively avoiding jealousy, anger and sadness. Emotions are experienced very physically in our bodies, and while it makes sense to want to avoid physical discomfort, the act of avoiding or suppressing, is what often creates more distress.
While we may benefit from experiencing our emotions, we also don’t want to fall into the trap of overindulging in them. It can be helpful to think of our emotions as visitors, that we welcome, sit with and then release once the interaction is over. So how can we learn to navigate this balance and benefit from our emotional experiences?
The first truth is that as humans we are wired to engage in and experience the full range of emotions. We cannot selectively decide to only have some and not the others, because when attempting to numb out sadness for example, we also dull our sensations of happiness and joy. Truly experiencing one emotion, actually helps us understand and feel another. They go hand in hand more than we often recognize.
A second truth is that, although emotions can create physical discomfort, they are not innately threatening or a real danger. It is more the fear of feeling our emotions that convinces us otherwise. If we can tolerate sitting with our emotions, we can begin to understand them more and even at times befriend them. Yes, even sadness, jealousy and anger.
To offer some incentive to all of this, emotions can actually teach us about ourselves and our needs/wants. Anger, often acts to empower us and reminds us to speak up for ourselves and our boundaries in relationships. Jealousy clues us in that we may want something, and help inspire us to make it happen for ourselves. Sadness allows us to grieve and heal from loss of something in our lives, whether that be expectations, people, events, etc. Even guilt can keep us accountable, if we have wronged someone or not been true to ourselves.
Finally, I leave you with some strategies on how to listen to and acknowledge your emotional range:
Notice and name the emotion. Determine if it has a color/texture/shape, and even give it a nickname if you’d like.
Become aware of how it feels in your body, where you feel it most physically, and how strongly you are experiencing it.
Observe what happened before you began to experience this emotion, and note if this a recurring pattern.
Allow yourself to reflect on the emotion itself, perhaps by journaling, talking with someone about it or through art.
Actively meet your regular needs even as you experience a variety of emotions, including food, rest, moving your body, social support and other forms of self-care.
Remind yourself that you are safe and having a human experience that your body is designed for.