Feel + Deal + Heal

Photo by Yoann Boyer on Unsplash

The moment we feel an uncomfortable emotion like grief beginning to bubble up within us, it’s tempting to want to run away, distract, or shove it into the back of our minds. That may be a protective mechanism that has served you well in the past, and kept your past self safe when feeling too big of an emotion was just too much to handle. If this sounds like you, ask yourself: is this tendency really still helping/serving me? Or is it just temporary relief?

Running away or distracting yourself from an uncomfortable emotion doesn’t move you any closer to healing. Our emotions are important cues that need our attention. Grief can’t be ignored. One way or another, grief will come out in your life, and the more we avoid it, the less control we’ve got. We must sit with our feelings, befriending the pain, allowing it to take up all the space it needs, and creating room to truly feel deeply. It will hurt, and at the same time, it will be worth it. 

If we want to heal, we’ve not only got to feel, but also truly deal and do the work. This may mean going to therapy, to truly process those feelings with a professional, or joining a support group to connect with other people going through a similar situation. Maybe it means journaling to sort through your thoughts, or calling a friend to talk things over when the pain seems to be demanding your attention. It’s so easy to be afraid to open the door to processing grief, knowing that opening the door is opening your heart up to pain. However the more we open the door, the less the pain will sting. I’m continually amazed by the resilience within us all. 

Healing is hard work, but it’s possible. Hope may seem far off, but once we muster up the courage to embrace all the parts of ourselves, and all of the pain we’re carrying, we begin to open our hearts up to truly heal.