Self-care or Self-soothing?
Photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash
As I was leaving a yoga class the other day, I overheard a conversation between the instructor and another patron that struck me. They were discussing yoga as a form of self-care (which I wholeheartedly agree with), but something the instructor said stopped me in my tracks. She remarked, “There is a big difference between self-care and self-soothing.” Self-care is something I talk about with every single one of my clients regardless of their age. It is so much more than just putting on face masks and taking bubble baths. It is checking in with how you are doing physically, emotionally, and spiritually and creating a routine that nourishes each of these parts of yourself.
I started to reflect on the notion of self-care vs. self-soothing on my drive home from yoga that day. I kept asking myself, “How much of my self-care is restorative, and how much of it is just my attempt to dissociate and numb my emotions?” For instance, I know that going to yoga, exercising, meditating, cleaning, scheduling my week, going to therapy (yes, therapists need therapists too), and getting enough sleep are all vital parts of my self-care. These practices help me feel grounded, centered, and as though I am functioning at my best. However, I can acknowledge that there are certain things I turn to when I am feeling hurt, sad, confused, or angry and unwilling to acknowledge these feelings. Hello mindless scrolling!
We all have our own ways of self-soothing to numb out. While the holidays can inspire feelings of joy for many, they can also be an extremely difficult time. If you are grieving a loss, navigating difficult family dynamics, or just feeling lonely during this holiday season, it can be easy to reach for ways to numb. We do this because it feels easier and safer to brush our emotions off to the side. It requires a great deal of courage to pay attention to our feelings and process them.
Take stock of the ways you are caring for yourself that truly nourish your mind, body, and soul, and notice the behaviors you go to when you are craving a distraction. As you examine your self-soothing actions in particular, make room for self-compassion. These are things we all do, and no one is perfect. Simply bring your awareness to them and return to the self-care practices that you know work best for you. We are all spread thin trying to be everything for everyone this time of year. It is more than okay to invest in yourself, give yourself grace, and acknowledge your emotions.