Empowering Your Child's Voice
Working with parents of children and adolescents, I often hear concerns that as their child grows up they won’t know how to handle bullies, toxic relationships or even ask their teacher for help. Essentially, fears that the child or teen won’t recognize the power of their own voice and will not stand up for themselves when needed. However, self-advocacy is a skill that can be reinforced and sharpened within the family system, that can help translate to the outside world.
Pull Back the Curtain
As with any behavior we hope to instill in our children, modeling is key. Speak up for your values and assert your boundaries around your children, they notice more than you would ever believe! When you discuss consent and boundaries with your children, include a caveat that respecting adults and authority figures has limits. Limits such as when your child feels uncomfortable and unsafe, they need to know that “no means no” regardless of the power differential.
If an opportunity arises where you as a parent need to get involved within a larger system such as the school where you can advocate for your child, clue them into this. Provide age-appropriate insight, and breakdown your reasoning for becoming involved (ie: parent-teacher conference, school accommodations, health, and mental health related support). Show them that you are willing and able to step up to bat for them and that even one voice can make a helpful impact within a system.
Encourage Advocacy at Home
The home is a great training ground for all sorts of social-emotional skills, including self- advocacy. A simple step is to encourage regular discussion at home, regarding the flow and function of the household. You can still maintain authority as a parent and integrate your child’s perspective when safe and appropriate. Some areas where your child can practice speaking up are home routines and rituals (i.e.: chores, weekend plans, etc.), boundaries and privacy, and even how communication is handled. Setting up “family meetings” is a simple ritual that supports these types of discussions and helps everyone speak up.
Additionally, create space for your child, where they can reliably consult on any day-to-day challenges in their life. Really make a point to hear your child when they communicate with you. A trick is to reflect back what you hear them saying, and practice listening more than you speak.
Create a Narrative That Empowers
If you are working hard to empower your child’s voice, then don’t ever label your child as bossy, stubborn, or nagging. Rather focus on helping your child identify their needs and reflect back their strong impact. If your child is approaching the situation with force, then imagine what that force will accomplish well into adulthood. Don’t tame the fire, but teach your child to harness it. Take it a step further and utilize positive affirmations! From a young age you can teach your child to repeat affirmations such as: “I am brave”, “My voice matters”, “I believe in myself”. This will help build a powerful internal dialogue that will serve them in life.